From: "Nikki Rademan" <nikjil@netscape.net>
Subject: Poem Parody: Pairs Scandal
Date: Friday, February 15, 2002 8:02 AM
"The Beautiful Judge Without Mercy"
by Nikki Rademan
(With heartfelt apologies to Keats)
O what can ail thee, pair arm in arm
Betrayed and sadly lingering?
The flag has been hung on the lower pole
And there is no anthem to sing!
O what can ail thee, pair arm in arm
So weepy and so woebegone?
The Russian's medal collection is complete
And the competition's done.
I see a medal on thine chests,
A medal silver with no golden hue,
And in thine hearts a fading hope
Fast withereth too.
"We met a judge in Salt Lake
So fragile, a Russian pawn.
Her hand were shaking, her face was flushed,
And her scores already drawn."
"We death spiraled for her bliss,
Clean double axle too.
Yet she looked at us as did she loath
And made a heartfelt groan."
"We sped before her on our skates,
And competed perfectly all competition long,
And though she would watch and write,
She got our marks all wrong."
"She gave us 5.7s and 5.8s,
And dropped us down, number two.
But to the Russians she did say,
‘I am willing to cheat for you.'"
"For into her hotel room she did creep,
And there negotiated and traded even more,
And there her Federation did say,
‘Make sure you give the Russians the higher score.'"
"And after the competition we did sleep
And there we dreamt, oh woe betide.
The scariest dreams we ever dreamt
On the Salt Lake mountainside."
"We saw Nancy, Elvis, Victor and Shae-Lynn,
Skaters burned, death-pale were they all;
They cried ‘bloc judging without reprieve
Hath thee both in thrall!'"
"We saw their ordinals flashing on the board,
Too late to warn us that the judges lied,
Then we awoke and found us here
On the Salt Lake mountainside."
"And this is why we sojourn here,
Betrayed and sadly lingering.
Though the flag has been hung on the lower pole
And there is no anthem to sing!"
Back to Parody Songs