From: Trudi Marrapodi <trudiwantsnospam@clarityconnect.com>
Newsgroups: rec.sport.skating.ice.figure
Date: Friday, October 30, 1998
Subject: Re: Musical Parody

"One Week"
by Trudi Marrapodi

(to the tune of "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies)

It's been one week since his last decree
Cocked our heads to one side
and said "It can't be"
Five days since he laughed at us, saying
"Can't get your sanctions, come back and you'll see"
Three days since the gloom and doom
We realized it's all his fault, but what can skaters do?
We'd forgive his insanity
But it'll still be forever till he says he's sorry

Hold it now and watch him hoodwink
As he makes you stop, stinks!
You'll think you're looking at an insane man
We're like fish on his dish
or steak at the Chalet Swiss
He keeps us in the fire
'cause we're out of the frying pan
Hot like wasabe then he busts us
He just disgusts us
Because he's all about power
Cinquanta's got the mad rules,
We feel just like fools, he tries to hold us,
we can't bust through
Like Andrew Lloyd, he's got a big show
And then he says we can't go
There'll be big sound from the ice rinks
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinkin' achin' break
He likes Michelle Kwan, she's the finest of the skaters
But won't be in the show, 'cause then you know
His power is gonna go
'Cause he's so dangerous,
you'll have to sign a waiver
How can I help it if I think it's crazy that he's mad
Tryin' hard not to cry though I feel bad
He's the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
He has a tendency to have his brains up his butt
He has a history of making skaters hurt

It's been one week since his latest decree
Threw our arms in the air
and said "He's crazy"
Five days since he attacked us
We've still got the bruises on our gluteus maximus
It's been three days since his latest rule
We realized it's all his fault
not a moment too soon
Yesterday he said all was free
And now we sit back and wait
till he says he's sorry

Chicky Cinquanta, Italian chicken
Think of dollar bills and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' Grand Prix with no lights on,
We know his brain's gone,
Can't blame the Smoking Man for this one!
Like Todd Eldredge, I'm getting frantic,
Like Button rant-ric,
Like Tonya, guaranteed to self-destruct

Like Ilia Kulik, I can't do a thing
Okay, I do a thing
But when I do, he says I better not
Like Tara Lipinski, got a big hunch
Should do the Big Lunch
Blow off this really, really old guy
Gonna get a set of better blades
Gonna find the kind with great big rakes
Just so my blades are always flying
when I do Stars on Ice
Gotta get in tune with Collins soon
'Cause his show has got
the bucks and skate babes
That make me think the right thing

How can I help it if I think it's crazy that he's mad
Tryin' hard not to cry though I feel bad
He's the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
He has a tendency to have his brains up his butt
He has a history of making skaters hurt

It's been once week since his latest decree
Dropped our arms to our sides
and said "We can't agree"
Five days since we screamed and said "Whoo!
You just did what we thought
you would never do"
Three days since the latest screw,
We realized that he's to blame,
but what could we do?
Tomorrow we'll all turn pro, see,
'Cause it'll be forever
till he says he's sorry
It'll be forever
till he says he's sorry
It'll be forever
till he says he's sorry
Joe Louis Arena,
that's where we'll lobby

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