From: "Lurker"
Newsgroups: rec.sport.skating.ice.figure
Date: Sunday, November 01, 1998
Subject: Re: Musical Parody: Dirty Kwandry (to the music of Dirty Laundry)

"Dirty Kwandry"
by Lurker

(to the tune of "Dirty Laundry" by Don Henley)

I make my living off the figure skaters
Just give me something, someone I can use
People love it when Kwan skates
They love Kwan idolatry!

Well I used to be a Speedskater
But I wound up here
I just have to look mean
I don't have to be clear
Watch me mess around with their minds
I'll start dirty Kwandry

Kick'em when they're up
Kick'em when they're down
Kick'em 'cause they'll skate
Kick'em 'cause they won't
Hit them for some bucks
Hit them just because
Kick'em 'cause I can
Kick'em 'cause I will

They say I'm bubble-headed and demented
Hell yeah, they're RIGHT
I can't quote ya 'bout some non-rules
that I don't even know,
but it's interesting when fans cry foul
I'll give ya dirty Kwandry

I faxed ya the rejected proposals
I'm the Head Cheese here!
Y'know the boys in the newsroom
They don't know jack!
Get that Todd boy under my thumb
Mix him in the dirty Kwandry
I don't really need to clarify
What's going on
You don't want to know just
How far I'm gone
I can't leave well enough alone
I'm like e-coli on poultry

Kick'em when they're right
Kick'em when they're good
Kick'em 'cause they're smart
Kick'em 'cause I'm not
Hit them for some kicks
Hit them just because
Block'em 'cause I can
Block'em 'cause I will

My tiny little brain cells
My big bold lies
I got my stubby grungy fingers
In everybody's pies
I love to cut you down to size
I love this dirty Kwandry

I can read the riot act
They'll bow real low
When it's said and done
I haven't cited a thing
You all know I'm Il Dookie
I authored dirty Kwandry

Kick'em as they squirm
Kick'em as they moan
Kick'em 'cause they're loved
Kick'em 'cause I'm not
Tease'em with Pro Am
Tease'em week to week
Chack'em all I want
Chack'em 'cause I can

Jerk'em little here
Jerk'em little there
Jerk'em 'cause I can
Jerk'em all around

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