From: JSSTHX <jssthx@aol.com>
Date: June 6nd, 1999
Subject: "As The ISU Turns", the spoof concludes (part 4)

[When we last left off... Michelle Kwan had been kidnapped!]

INT - PARIS ARENA - NIGHT

Trophy Lalique is being held. Morry Stillwell is hanging out near a vending
machine.

TARA
Where's Michelle?

STILLWELL
Tara! Isn't this a surprise. I don't know.

TARA
Sure you do. I'm warning you, I know Tae Bo. Haaaaaayaaaah!

STILLWELL
Tara, really.

TARA
[Grand Moff Tarkin voice]
I grow tired of repeating this, so it will be for the last time. Where is the ISU base?
[/Grand Moff Tarkin Voice]

STILLWELL
The Sahara Desert. They're on the Sahara Desert.

TARA
Thanks. Oh, by the way... your fly is open.

INT - HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT

CINQUANTA
Michelle. I hope you are enjoying your stay.

MICHELLE
Oh yes, very comfortable.  When do I get out?

CINQUANTA
You are never going to get out. See this hour glass? This is how long you have
to be alive. Have a nice day.

[Michelle begins to cry.]

MICHELLE
I'm frightened. Oh my God, I'm so frightened.

[All of a sudden Coco Lipinski comes by.]

MICHELLE
Oh yes! I'm saved. Coco. You have to go find the others. Run Coco, run!

COCO
Woof woof woof!

EXT - THE CAVE - NIGHT

[The skaters are gathered outside. Coco is running towards them].

BRIAN
Look at that dog!

TARA
Hey, it's Coco!!! What are you doing here?

COCO
Arf arf!

TARA
You know where Michelle is?

KATIA
You can understand him?

TARA
Of course I can understand him, he's my dog. Lead us to Michelle, Coco!

COCO
Woof!

INT - CAVE - NIGHT

[The hour glass is 3/4 empty.]

MICHELLE
Come on!!!!!

INT - CORRIDOR - NIGHT

KATIA
Why does this remind me of the Wizard of Oz?

TARA
Michelle!!!! Where are you?

MICHELLE
Over here!

ROZ
Quick. Hand me an ax. Sweetheart we're going to chop down that door.

KURT
What ax?

ROZ
What do you guys have?

KRISTI
I have a skate.

ROZ
Close enough

[She begins to chop down the door.]

MICHELLE
Hurry, the ISU is going to get me!

{They chop down the door. They embrace Michelle. They then see Cinquanta.}

TARA
Run!

[Ottavio's ISU soldiers have gathered.]

OTTAVIO
Half of you go this way, half go that way. Seize them. Seize them!!!

{The skaters run. They are cornered.}

CINQUANTA
Ring around the rosy and a pocket full of spears....

(I think you may know where this is heading)

CINQUANTA
At last. I have you skaters all where I want you. Let's start with you,
Boitano.

{HE sets Brian's sleeve on fire.}

BRIAN
Ouch, Hot help!

TARA
Oh no!

KATIA
Help!

{Tara grabs a pail of water and dumps it on Cinquanta.]

CINQUANTA
Oh no look what you've done, I'm melting, melting. Oh what a world what a
world. Only you could destroy my beautiful wickedness. I'm melting, melting.
Ooooooooooh.

[He has finished melting.]

STILLWELL
He's gone, you melted him!

TARA
Sorry, it was an accident, he was on fire.

ISU
HAIL TARA! THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!

ROZ
You know, I kinda helped.

ISU
HAIL Roz!

KRISTI
But who is going to run the ISU now?

INT - SCOTT HAMILTON'S HOUSE - NIGHT

[the phone rings]

SCOTT
Hello?

TARA
Scott, I have an offer you can't refuse...

[And they all lived happily ever after.]

FADE TO BLACK.

THE END.

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