Introduction

Welcome to the unofficial ISU Parody Archive for the Usenet newsgroup rec.sport.skating.ice.figure. This website was set up to make sure that the humorous efforts of our particular segment of the online figure skating fan community could be preserved and revisited whenever anyone felt the need. For those visitors who aren't already figure skating fans, our various japes and lampoonings of the latest stupidities perpetrated by the International Skating Union probably won't make much sense to you... a visit to the newsgroup or to the single best online resource for figure skating fandom there is, Sandra Loosemore's Skateweb, would most definitely be in order.

New parody songs/poems/essays/etc. may be submitted via e-mail or via the RSSIF (rec.sport.skating.ice.figure) newsgroup.

Updates

The first two parodies of the 2004-05 season! - "Twelve Days of CoP" by Skatfan, and "The Skating Christmas Song" by Trudi Marrapodi. Thanks, guys!

Poll Of The Season

Do you think that the ISU has gone utterly mad, is simply on crack, or is merely composed of a bunch of money-grubbing fools? To let your opinion be known, vote in Revjoelle's skating poll.

Useful Links

Skateweb -- the prime online reference for all aspects of figure skating fandom.

The Golden Skate, another great online skating resource.

The International Skating Union homepage -- hear the ISU in its own words. But given recent events, don't expect them to be very forthcoming about it.

The United States Figure Skating Association. The national governing body (NGB) for figure skating in my home nation. (For links to other nation's NGB's, visit the reference page on Skateweb.)

Silent Edge -- despite its link appearing here on a humor site, this not a funny site at all. But it does a lot of very good work towards addressing some of the most important yet unspoken concerns in athletics and figure skating, and I am glad to do what little I can to help bring attention to it.

The Parodies

2004-05 | 2003-04 | 2002-03 | 2001-02 | 2000-01 | 1999-2000 | Earlier seasons

2004-05 Season's Spoofs

"Twelve Days of CoP" by Skatfan

"The Skating Christmas Song" by Trudi Marrapodi

2003-04 Season's Spoofs

"Imagine No Skating" by Sarah Mattycat

"The 12 Pains of a Code of Points Christmas" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Do The Dying Swan" by Capcomop

2002-03 Season's Spoofs

"Springtime for SkateFAIR" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Competition" by Sarah Mattycat

"The Twelve Days of Speedy" by Icedncer34

"How the Trolls Stole RSSIF" by Trudi Marrapodi

"A Visit From Speedy" by Nikki Rademan

"Mr. Cinquanta's Lie" by Impromptu

"The Skating Chanukah" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Yuri Balkov's Coming To Town by Icedncer34

"Nothing" by Trudi Marrapodi

"No Meddling Anymore" by Pat C

"The Ballad of John's Kyoko" by Trudi Marrapodi

2001-02 Season's Spoofs

"Judge Fix" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Ottavio Cinquanta's ISU" by Trudi Marrapodi

"The Year the Lights Went Out on Skating" by Trudi Marrapodi

"It's A Fine Life" by Capcomop

"Top 10 Reasons Sale & Pelletier Placed Second" by Trudi Marrapodi

"It's a Scandal! It's an Outrage!" by Erin White

"Speedy-man" by Trudi Marrapodi

"They Will Survive" an update by Icedncer34

"Bowin' Out" by Peg Lewis

"Send In the Skaters" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Gee Mr. Cinquanta" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Russian in Nature" by Capcomop

"Song for S&P" by Holly

"The ISU Spin Control Song" by Fiona McQuarrie

"It's a Mistake" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Fix Story" by Trudi Marrapodi

"How You Remind Me" by Capcomop

"Pairs Scandal" a poem parody by Nikki Rademan

"Blame Canada" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Sasha's Song" by TCAXEL

"They Will Survive" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Weiss' Lament" by Fiona McQuarrie

"50 Ways to Miss a Quad Jump" by Capcomop

2000-01 Season's Spoofs

"Inconsistent People" by Ruby Pratka

"Buy a Russian" by Fiona McQuarrie

"Champion" by capcomop

"Todd's Soliloquy" by Ruby Pratka

Untitled (an ode to the senior men at 2001 US Nationals) by MichelRuby

"Crappy, Crappy Skate" by David Fraser

"Do the Don Quixote" by capcomop

"Top Jump" by Fiona McQuarrie

"Russian Speed" by gobigred

Prior Seasons' Spoofs

1999-2000 Season's Spoofs

"2000 Worlds" by Ruby Pratka

"A Long Hard Year" by Anne Pytlak

The "Unofficial Rssif Generic Multiple-Choice Hate Form"

"Down Under" by Fiona McQuarrie

"What Would Brian Orser Do?" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Crazy" by Trudi Marrapodi

"As The ISU Turns" (Chapter 1) by JSSTHX

"As The ISU Turns" (Chapter 2) by JSSTHX

"As The ISU Turns" (Chapter 3) by JSSTHX

"As The ISU Turns" (Chapter 4) by JSSTHX

"Translation of Ottavio's Letter" by JSSHTX

Earlier Spoofs

"I'll Skate In Silence" by PegLewis, currently nominated as Rssif's Official ISU Protest Anthem

"I Am The Ruler" by PegLewis

"Tavio the Possessed" by PegLewis

"This Is The Moment" by PegLewis

"The Battle Of Nagano" by PegLewis

"Close Every Rink" by Mary E. Tyler

"Close The Grand Prix" by Sk8Maven

"One Week" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Run For Your Life" by Trudi Marrapodi

"For What It's Worth (Which Isn't Much)" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Michelle" by Trudi Marrapodi

"Good Enough" by Sarah Weinman

"The ISU's Got 2 Faces" by Sk8Fan2

"It's The End Of The Worlds As We Know It" by Lurker

"Il Stinkwanta Wants To Rule The World" by Lurker

"Every Week the Pro Ams Get By Me" by Lurker

"The Best That Ilia Can Do" by Lurker

"Dirty Kwandry" by Lurker

"No More" by Lurker

"Imagine" by Lurker

"Head Like a Hole" by Lurker

"High and Dry" by Lurker

"Stick It" by Lurker

"Speedymalaise" by Lurker

"Green" by Martin Rogers

"ISU's Love Song To Michelle" by Jnymd

VIDEOTAPE ALERT! Don't forget to catch the Karen Frank film festival, with "Skater On The Edge" (complete with PegLewis's modernized remake of its classic Dream Sequence) being broadcast immediately after "Pulp Skating" tonight on ABC. That's right, ABC, the proud and exclusive (Hey, what do you mean those skaters think they can skate anywhere they want to? I mean, who do those figure skaters think they are? They act like they invented this sport or something! Somebody dial 666, this is a job for The ISU Police!)...

... anyway, as I was saying, the proud and (not quite yet but we're really trying hard to be!) exclusive figure skating broadcast TV network. ABC... the Microsoft of figure skating broadcasting.

For those of you who are boycotting ABC, "Skate Wars" is coming on the Sci-Fi Channel tonight. Fans of the classics will want to check out tonight's Shakespearan spotlight on PBS -- the classic scene "Alas, Poor Ottavio", from the play "Eldredge, Prince Of Detroit." And the record-setting Academy Award-winning movie "Skate-tanic" is showing on HBO.

This webpage was brought to you by Il Dooceco, proud marketers of the official Ottavio Cinquanata Magic Eight Ball.

Special thanks to PegLewis for providing the archived copies of these songs, and to all of the authors whose works are featured here for both their devotion to the sport of figure skating and their positively demonic gift at satire. :-)

(obligatory disclaimer -- the webmaster of this site does not claim to speak for ABC, the ISU, or any other organization in an official capacity. Any appearance of doing so that may be present on this website is purely for purposes of satire.)